The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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