there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
