Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
