I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
