uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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