Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just high enough for therapy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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