Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
