I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
