i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
