So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
