He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
