I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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