I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
