Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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