I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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