Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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