So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
