My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
