I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
