I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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