girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
