im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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