I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This baby is an asshole
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
