What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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