Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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