college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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