Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
