I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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