she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
