im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
