we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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