the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
