Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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