STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
