I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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