he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
