haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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