One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
