i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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