I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
