There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's blow job season.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
