So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
