I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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