"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
