Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
