So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
