Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
