haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
