The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
