You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
