they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
