Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I faked an abortion last night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
