I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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