you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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