i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
